In this reality, you cannot expect the best from people.

I have written before about how I feel like I am living in the Twilight Zone, or some sort of Hell. I have seriously pondered if I indeed died and went to Hell. Every passing day, it seems to be more likely that something is not right. The world / reality I used to live in (before 2011-2012?) and the one I’m in now are different. In the old reality, you could expect the best from people. You wouldn’t always get it, but you would know that alot of the time, you would. In this reality, you can’t expect the best from anyone- you should actually expect the worst. This is why people were shocked that so many people they thought they knew voted for Trump.- They expected that basic human decency would win in the end. They expected not the best, but they expected decent. In this reality, you can’t expect decent or you’ll be disappointed. In this reality, I have become shocked at many peoples’ behaviour, people close to me, who I never dreamed would betry or hurt me. I should have known better. Sometimes I ask myself, “why can’t I just have a happy, normal life?” “When is it my turn?” “Why does this happen to me?” But in this Hell or alternate reality or timeline, or whatever it is, I need to learn that it’s not the old world. Justice is not served here, and things will likely turn out badly even if you worked hard for them to turn out right. People will disappoint you time and again, and everything will be wrong and ironic. Things won’t make sense and there won’t be a logical correlation between much at all. In a way, it’s a Twilight Zone Hell. A place where you are owed no explanations, no justifications. You aren’t owed a reward for hard work and you aren’t owed loyalty or stable relationships for being a good person and trying to form good relationships with people. Things are unjust. In the old world, justice won most of the time. Here, it’s the opposite. In this world, I am very much alone. Everytime someone does something that betyrays me, I am always shocked, but I no longer should be. That is the normal for this place. I remember a time when things were different- but that was a different reality. I wish I could go back to that one and get out of this one but I don’t know how. I really feel like I died and went to Hell. And now I can’t get out. I am very much alone. No one really sends me messages or talks to me anymore. It’s not like the old world. Even decent lovers are hard to come by. In this world, men act much different. They act more like children. They have tantrums, they walk away from responsibility, they have no honor. Women in this reality don’t seem much better either, though. People in general are cheap. They lack integrity and true interest in anything. They’re self obsessed. They’re narcissistic. They’re fanatics, they lost something that they had in the old world. I want to get the fuck out of here. I know I’m not in a good place and things just keep getting worse. I don’t even want to live to see what happens next.

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